Breakups Suck

Going through a breakup is often an emotional and difficult time. Whether you were dating someone for a few months or you had been together for years, a breakup signifies a loss. The future you had planned for yourself, and your partner no longer can exist in the way you once hoped it would. The end of a relationship does not mean that you failed at something, it indicated that the time you were meant to spend with this person in a romantic manner has run its course.

When we hear people talking about how they cope with the ending of a relationship, it can sometimes sound like how a romcom. People turn to their comfort foods, isolate themselves from their support system, and spend a lot of time thinking about their ex-partner and if they made the right decision. While all these things can be helpful in moderation, these coping habits don’t allow us to process what we are feeling or support us moving on.

Let’s explore a few holistic tips and tricks to supporting yourself during a breakup.

Notice, Identify, and Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings
The first thing you can do is take a moment to check in with yourself and name the emotion you are experiencing. Next, notice how your body is feeling. Check in with your body to notice what physical sensations you are experiencing. Emotions are not just mental experiences- they also manifest physically in our bodies. After you do this, accept your feelings by avoiding judgment or self-criticism. Recognize that you are currently experiencing these emotions, even if it is uncomfortable. Remember that feelings are a natural part of the human experiences. Finally, find a way express your feelings. This could mean crying, yelling (not at someone), writing in a journal, or engaging in a creative activity. Don’t forget to be compassionate towards yourself as your process your emotions.
Seek support from loved ones
Connecting with friends and family can help provide a sense of comfort and support during a breakup. Your natural inclination may be to isolate, however doing this often makes it harder on your current self, as you feel lonely and like you don’t have support, and it makes it harder for future you to reintegrate into social situations. By reaching out to people in your life you are able to process your feelings which will likely feel cathartic, you remind yourself that you’re not alone and do have people who care about you, and they can help distract you from thinking about your breakup.
Take care of your physical health
Breakups can easily lead to a decline in taking care of your physical health. Making sure you are getting correct rest, exercise, and nutrition are all important players in making sure that you can feel your best and gives you the energy to make it through each day. If it feels to overwhelming to try implement healthy habits in all aspects of your life at once, try breaking it down into smaller pieces. Maybe you first start by focusing on getting deep rest. Once you’re feeling like you are able to do that you start building in 10 minute walks or try a new workout class with a friend. After you have built healthy rest and exercise habits, start incorporating high protein meals with lots of fruits and veggies. Do whatever feels manageable and then continue to add in healthy habits as it feels okay to do. It’s okay if you build healthy habits slowly, one at a time.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is staying in the here and now, and often can be one of the biggest challenges when going through a breakup. When we replay old scenarios with our partner in our minds or fantasize about what it would be like to get back together with a partner, our brain is not able to recognize that this is our imagination and not real life. If we spend all of our time thinking about getting back together with an ex, we are simply reinforcing this thought pattern to continue. One thing I like to say to myself if I notice that my mind is wondering and I am trying to be mindful is, “keep your head where your toes are.” This is a helpful reminder to keep myself in the present moment. You can practice mindfulness through a guided meditation, describing to yourself what is going on around you, or using your senses to help bring you back to the present (try letting a piece of chocolate melt as slowly as it can in your mouth and describe that experience to yourself).
practice self-care
Self-care is more than just engaging in activities that we find enjoyable; it is taking care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. This could include journaling, to help get your thoughts and feelings out of your mind, taking a bath with Epsom salts to help the body relax, setting boundaries with an ex-partner to protect your emotional well-being, reading a book, spending time in nature, taking yourself out to a restaurant you have been wanting to try, or many other things. Self-care consists of finding the balance of self-soothing and keeping our bodies healthy.
Seek professional help
You don’t have to go through your breakup alone and there are plenty of professionals who are out there and willing to support your needs. If you feel you need to heal from your breakup, consider individual therapy, naturopathic medicine, or a dietician. If you feel you need a release, try acupuncture, sound healing, body work/massage, or restorative yoga. If you feel as if you need to restore, exploring chiropractor, breathwork, or meditation could be helpful for you. Here is a list of curated holistic providers that could help you on your journey.

Breakups are almost never easy. Breakups involve a lot of change, loss, and uncertainty. It is important to take your time to process your emotions and work through your feelings in a healthy way. Remember that healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself during this process.