college is hard.

Before we dive into the nuts and bolts, let me first introduce myself.

Jayden (intern extraordinaire) here! I’m a rising senior at the University of Washington majoring in psychology, hoping to go on to become therapist and help people on their healing journey. I am very passionate about science and mental health, which means my classes tend to be on the more challenging side. On top of that I’m a young twenty-something women trying to navigate the world as I constantly change and evolve. Saying my life is a little chaotic is a massive understatement.

Needless to say, college is a very stressful environment. Not only do you need to balance classes, extracurriculars, and social life, but you also have to learn how to take care of yourself in the midst of all of this chaos. I’ll admit, in my first two years, I struggled with this a lot, especially when it came to prioritizing myself. But after going through a mental rough patch my sophomore year, I made a promise to myself that I would never neglect myself again. After a lot of trial and error, I finally figured out the essential things I need in my life to stay grounded and balanced.

Of course, I am a work in progress just like anyone else; however, these core essentials are like my guiding light. Especially when I am feeling a little lost or low.

Let’s dive in.

5 changes I made to care for my mental health during college

1. Regular Exercise

I know this has been shouted from the rooftops by every self-help wellness guru out there, and as much as I want to say it isn’t true it really is important. The key thing to remember is that everybody moves their body in different ways. One person’s 2-hour cardio and weight lifting session may not be the best fit for you, and that is TOTALLY OKAY. Find the movement that feels the best to your body.

This might be a relaxing walk outside, a quick yoga practice, or a pickleball game with your friends. It can also be a run or high-intensity workout class. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as your body is moving! Think less about the statistics of how long you exercised and how hard you sweat and more about how you felt during and after the workout. Using this reframe totally changed the game for me and made me realize that I was getting regular exercise more than I thought. Walking to class, going up and down the stairs to my room, and biking to the grocery store are all forms of movement I overlooked because in my head they didn’t qualify as “classic” workouts. Take a quick inventory of your daily activity and look at what you might be counting out!

2. Being Realistic

As a self-proclaimed high achiever and perfectionist, this was a hard one for me. I have very high expectations for myself, which often leads to me taking on more than I can handle. I would be taking a full course load of challenging classes and still feel like I wasn’t doing enough, so I would look for more extracurriculars or jobs to feel like I was doing the absolute most possible. This built up over time and eventually led to a stress-induced breakdown.

What I learned from that was I had way too much on my plate and I had to get more realistic. The next academic quarter I made sure the classes I chose were a mix of challenging and fun. Instead of taking 4 STEM-heavy classes (A.K.A really hard stuff) that would land me in the library for hours on end, I decided to take 2 classes for my major and 2 “fun” classes in other subjects which I found interesting or exciting. I also made sure my classes started no earlier than 9:30 and ended no later than 3pm; this way I had time to get as much sleep as I could and enough time before dinner to complete most of my homework so I could wind down at night. Restructuring my schedule and responsibilities so they were more aligned with how much time I had during the day and how much mental energy I had to give was honestly life-changing for me. I found that I had more energy throughout the day, felt more fulfilled and productive in school, and was overall happier and more content with my life. Who knew prioritizing balance would be so great?

3. Planning “me time”

I first realized this was important when I started going to concerts. Every time I had a concert on the calendar I noticed I always had this sense of excitement, and no matter how rough my week was going at least I was closer to seeing my favorite artist. Now I’m not saying you need to start buying concert tickets left and right. The idea of having something to look forward to in the near future is what you can focus on. This could be as big as a fun vacation or as small as going on a picnic with friends. Just having something that is purely for fun and enjoyment built into your schedule can make a big difference in your mood. Side note: this is also a major nervous system regulator. When we connect with our passions and other people, it allows space for our nervous system to drop into that ventral vagal state (that state where we feel grounded and connected).

4. Confiding in my friends and loved ones

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have a strong support system in college. As an out-of-state student, I’m not able to go back to the comfort of my home and get a hug from my mom whenever I want. When I’m at school, my friends become my family and my main support system. For my first two years, I struggled with opening up to new friends that I had made, which led to feelings of isolation and loneliness. When I came back to school for my junior year I told myself that things would be different. I chose a few of my closest friends that I felt the most comfortable with to be my confidants. Because I struggled with feeling like a burden when confiding in others, I asked my friends before talking with them if they had the emotional bandwidth to be a listener, and made sure they knew they did not have to fix any of my problems. Being able to freely voice what was bothering me was a game changer. I no longer felt that pent-up anger and anxiety sitting in my stomach. I lashed out at others less, was able to sleep better, and felt more connected to my friends.

If you need to vent it out, but don’t have someone nearby, you can also always open up a journal and just write down everything that comes to mind. This is another form of externalizing that can help release stored energy and process your thoughts and feelings.

5. Having confidence in saying no

This is probably the most important change in my life this past year. FOMO (fear of missing out) controlled a lot of my life for the past few years. After going through COVID, I promised myself I would never take normal life for granted and say yes to everything.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a great mindset to have as long as you are realistic with what you can emotionally and physically handle. Unfortunately, I was not, which led me to feel emotionally exhausted constantly. I felt like I was running on empty no matter how much sleep I got, which I quickly realized was because I was not taking care of myself enough. As someone who needs plenty of alone time to recharge, this notion of saying yes to everything, especially when it came to spending time with my friends, was very depleting. After hitting rock bottom emotionally and physically, I understood how important it was to say no to things. When my friends come to me with plans for going out or spending time together, I first check in with myself.

How full is my tank right now?
Will hanging out with people fill up my tank or deplete it?
What signs is my body sending me that may mean I need to rest?
These were hard questions to ask at first, however with practice, they come as second nature now. Saying no became easier and left me consumed with less and less guilt. I realized that saying no to plans didn’t mean my friends wouldn’t like me anymore (hello anxious attachment style talking), and 100% of the time they respected my decision to take care of myself and even encouraged it. Now I have more emotional availability to be present when spending time with my friends when I decide to. My mental health has improved immensely after implementing this change!

All in all, I’m not perfect. I hit highs and lows just like everyone else, and I’m still figuring it out as I go. I want to normalize that not having it all figured out is OKAY. More than okay actually, because it leaves room for growth and exploration. What made a difference for me was practice and patience over anything else. Practice some of the suggestions I talked about above and over time you will start to see a real change in your quality of life. Have patience with yourself and know that you are doing the best you can. Give yourself grace. We are all a work in progress :)