Our Inner Critic

Many of us can relate to having a nagging voice in the back of our minds that likes to point out when we make a mistake, tells us we aren’t good enough, and spirals to worst case scenario; this is our inner critic. The voice of our inner critic is typically harsh and repetitive, which leaves us stuck with the same thought replaying over and over in our minds.

Our inner critic is fueled by cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are internal mental filters or biases that increase our misery, fuel our anxiety, and makes us feel bad about ourselves. They are habitual ways of thinking that are often not based in reality and negatively biased. We are not alone in experiencing these thoughts and there are ways to modify them. It’s essential to remind ourselves that not all thoughts are true, especially when dealing with our inner critic.

The 4 C’s

The 4 C’s is a skill that is used to help identify cognitive distortions and create a more balanced way of thinking. You can practice the 4 C’s where ever you go. The exercise can be done completely in your mind or you can try writing out each step on piece of paper or on your phone. Writing out the thought can be helpful when you’re first practicing this skill as it helps to depersonalize the thought- we are not our thoughts, our thoughts are a part of us, and not all of them are accurate or helpful.

Catch It

First thing we must do is catch ourselves experiencing a cognitive distortion. There are many common cognitive distortions that people often engage in. To see a list of common cognitive distortions, click here. Some common cognitive distortions that I have heard when working with individuals include, “I’m so stupid,” “I didn’t do well on this presentation, I am a failure,” “They never listen to me,” “I just don’t think it will work out,” “I don’t want to go to the party, I know everyone will judge me,” “I know I got the right answer, but it was just a lucky guess,” “I should be married by now,” “I feel like a bad sibling, so I am a bad sibling,” amongst others. If there are words like always, never, or should in our thoughts, or if we start using our emotions as facts these are indicators that we are engaging in a cognitive distortion. Catching these thoughts might feel impossible at first, just remind yourself that you have gone this long in your life before you learned that that you are engaging in these thoughts. Give yourself grace as you begin to track your thinking habits and feel pride when you are able to catch a cognitive distortion.

Together we will use this example to walk through the 4 C’s. You walk into a room and see three people at the other end of the room laughing and one person looks vaguely in your direction. You think to yourself, “Oh my gosh! They are laughing at me, I am such a loser.”

Check It

Once we have caught our thought, it is time to check the facts. This involves looking for evidence that supports our thoughts and looking for evidence against our thoughts, think of this as playing detective with your thoughts. We are not placing judgments or creating stories as to why this thought has occurred, we are interested in the facts.

Evidence against the thought: you do not know why others are laughing, something could have happened right before you entered the room, you can briefly scan your clothing items to make sure everything looks typical (it does), the only thing you have done is opened the door and walk into the room. Evidence supporting the thought: people were laughing and one person might have looked at you during this time.

When we lay the facts out, we can see that we did not engage in any odd or attention seeking behaviors that would warrant others to laugh at us, and we don’t actually know what these people are laughing about.

Change It

After we have found evidence supporting and against our thought, we are then able to change the original thought to be more balanced. When creating a balanced thought, it is important to take into consideration the evidence that we just identified.

For our example, a more balanced thought might be, “I walked into a room and people were laughing at the same time.”

This thought gives a more accurate representation of our experience and removes the judgment and harshness of the original thought. The words we use to talk to ourselves matter and by removing the blame from our thought we are able to move throughout the rest of our day with more ease and not ruminating on this experience. Our inner critic is quieted when we are able to remove judgments from our thoughts; a pattern that over time will become easier and will help us to create more balanced thoughts in general.

Chuck It

The final step in the 4 C’s, is to get rid of the original thought by recognizing that it is an inaccurate thought. Something that helps me when chucking a thought, is I will take my hand and make the motion of throwing something over my shoulder, as if I am literally throwing that thought away. If and when the original thought does pop back into our minds, we are then able to respond to that thought by repeating our balanced thought we have created.

Quieting our inner critic takes practice, especially when you are first starting to notice and change the cognitive distortions you experience. Be patient with yourself, you spent your entire life thinking in a certain manner which has strengthened those neural pathways and now you are creating new neural pathways. Modifying our thoughts takes a lot of practice, and even those of us who have been practicing for years can sometimes get stuck perseverating on an intrusive thought. Be compassionate as you practice, the fact that you are making an effort to change your thinking habits is a win! Each time you practice changing your thought, these neural pathways will get stronger, and in time you will have changed the way you think about things and the way you talk to yourself.

The 4 C’s is a skill that you are able to do on your own, wherever you are! If you notice you’re having a challenging time with your inner critic and want extra support feel free to reach out and schedule a consultation today!